


Professional Boundaries

by uv_duv



Series: Love Bites [1]
Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Drinking, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentions of sexual violence, Pre-Canon, Random OCs - Freeform, Rape Fantasy, Unintentional Homoeroticism, Unrequited Crush, Wet Dream, show typical disregard for human life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:48:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25316323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uv_duv/pseuds/uv_duv
Summary: Guillermo does his best as a new familiar to navigate professional boundaries with Nandor. This proves challenging. Things come to a head on Nandor's 750th birthday."In a professional sense, Guillermo absolutely could not show his hand, that anything about Nandor’s body was appealing to him, that maybe a touch lasted a second longer than it strictly needed to, or a glance, or a held breath. Guillermo’s only saving grace was the heady combo of Nandor’s baseline level of obliviousness and his victim’s blood alcohol content."
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless, Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja
Series: Love Bites [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1839217
Comments: 11
Kudos: 91





	Professional Boundaries

Nineteen was a big year for Guillermo. He never imagined how much his life would change when he clocked into the Tuesday closing shift at Panera Bread. At least it paid for his community college classes, what would eventually be his Associates in History degree. And then he would maybe become a teacher, museum curator, archivist, famous historian, professor….  _ Who knows?  _ but right now he was in his uniform at Panera Bread.

Taking out the trash, he heard a horrible gurgling behind the dumpster. Freezing in place, he called out, "Hello?" for some idiotic reason as though a coyote or raccoon or whatever it was would answer. He was shocked to hear, "Oh hi, is this your lovely dumpster?" and seeing a man materialize from the shadows. Tall, with long, thick dark hair and with blood dripping down his face.  _ At least he was polite? What on earth. _ Guillermo dropped the garbage bags on the ground and openly stared at him. There weren’t cameras, so it wasn’t some kind of production. If not for the cape, he would have guessed the pale man was dressed as an elaborate pirate from his tall boots and thick belt. 

"Would you mind if I just..?" The man’s eyes darted to the broken body of a woman Guillermo had never seen before and he motioned crumpling her up and throwing her into the dumpster like a paper ball into a wastebasket.  _ What is that accent? Why aren’t I running?  _ Guillermo’s mouth was still agape, his jaw practically on the concrete below. At some point, way longer than it should have, it clicked.

Guillermo felt so terrified and so giddy at once.  _ Vampires! Fucking vampires! _

"Uh, s-sure. Wow," he giggled uncontrollably, “I mean, wow! You’re a vampire. Holy shit!” he flung his arms up in the air excitedly.

The man hissed at him, showing his fangs. “What makes you say that word?” the man asked as he threw the woman in the trash like she was a dirty rag. The fluorescent light bulb in the alleyway made the blood on his face shine almost black. As if Guillermo weren’t completely positive, the man turned into a fucking bat.

Before he flew too far, Guillermo yelled, “You can use my dumpster anytime!”

\-----

Nandor had taken him up on that offer and soon offered familiarship to Guillermo. It was all so exciting. The first year or so, Guillermo was carried by the thrill of learning about the vampiric world. With full sails, he could glide right past the drudgery of day-to-day familiar duties on the wings of… well, things like seeing Nandor turn into a bat. Learning that Nandor was more than 700 years old. The first time he noticed Nandor didn't have a reflection, he was awed. 

There was also the more mundane aspect of Nandor having housemates. Nadja and Laszlo were interesting to Guillermo too, but they were immediately so casually cruel to him that he never got too close. Colin Robinson was certainly a curve ball but could be unexpectedly helpful at times. Nandor at least seemed to enjoy being a guide of sorts. As soon as Guillermo had the chance, he breathlessly asked Nandor questions about anything and everything related to being a vampire; "Do you have to floss?", "Do different people taste different?", "Could you walk to the bottom of the ocean?"

After a fortnight of Guillermo’s incessant but eager pestering, Nandor rolled his eyes and limited him to one question per week, dependent on him doing all of his chores without any mishaps. Guillermo started out his familiardom on a trial basis, at three days a week.

\-----

It had accelerated quickly. After several months, after Guillermo successfully brought them his first virgin, Nandor had bestowed the title of full-time familiar to Guillermo, a huge honor that also meant no days off. Guillermo had tried balancing his exciting new role and his old routine of classes, friends, and family, but the pull of vampiric life with the increasing demands of being a full-time familiar came to blur a lot of that out. Ironically, it was as though the glamour of vampiredom was the sun, blotting out the dimming stars that made up the constellation of his regular life. Quitting Panera Bread was easy. But dodging his mom's questions to avoid explaining where he was going every night, coming up with a fresh supply of excuses to blow off his friends, and being careful to get all the blood stains off of his clothes was getting to be impractical. 

He was also physically changing. This was harder to explain away. Midnight grave digging, hauling bodies, and constant errands was a huge departure from his high school lifestyle. All the vestiges of a teenage rebellion that never quite took were eroded over the course of Guillermo’s first year. He got blood in his hair nearly every day, so he cut it short himself. His black nail polish chipped when he dug graves, so he stopped wearing it. And he ruined so many of his favorite band shirts with bleach that he switched to cheap sweaters that he scrounged up at thrift stores or from similarly shaped victims. Of course his friends noticed that over the course of a year into his strange internship that gave him no days off or even paid money he lost weight, got much stronger, and generally looked nothing like guillermogoth2000 anymore. He moved into the Staten Island house after a year and a half. It was just easier. 

Nandor never asked about Guillermo's life, only complained when he had to shirk chores to study for finals or visit his mom or finally hang out with his friends after a string of refused invitations had gotten particularly long. When Guillermo cut his hair, the most Nandor managed was saying, “That’s better.” Any time Guillermo supplied any information about himself Nandor usually cut him off with a direct, “Silence” and a bored look. Sometimes he would just order Guillermo to clean something. Nandor also bristled whenever Guillermo asked him personal questions, such as, ”How did you feel about becoming a vampire?”, “Did you have a family?”, “Do you ever miss sunsets?”. At each question, Nandor either supplied curt nothing-answers or just walked away without acknowledging it had been asked. 

Nandor could talk endlessly about himself and yet not tell Guillermo anything about himself at the same time. Battles, the enemies of Al Quolanudar, and how he had won and murdered all of them were favorite topics. Guillermo was entranced for the first year, listening to someone who had so much power from a completely different time and place, but eventually the stories lost their sheen and started to blur together. One time, Nandor walked in on Guillermo studying for an ancient Middle Eastern history final in his closet room, when Guillermo still entertained being a historian. The textbook was open to a page with a photo of ruins. "Psh, none of the puny human authors of that tome were actually there," Nandor said derisively, closing the book, "You could just ask me!" he said, spreading his arms and puffing his chest out.

Guillermo was stressed; he had so many late assignments and missed classes that he might fail entirely. He sighed and slumped back in his chair. It was the first time he spoke to Nandor with anything less than total obedience or awe. 

"Master, you couldn't have possibly seen everything they want me to know for the exam." 

It deflated the display. Nandor narrowed his eyes and told Guillermo to watch his tone and make sure he didn't forget to bury his meal before sun up. Then he asked, “What is the point of this college, if you are going to become a vampire anyhow?” and slipped out of Guillermo’s room. It did seem kind of silly, Guillermo realized, to compromise a possible path to literal immortality, to almost unimaginable power, for a piece of paper that would cost thousands of dollars at the end of it. Guillermo also noticed that after that, Nandor emphasized just how far his conquests extended and how he spent twenty years expanding his empire before he was turned.

\-----

Guillermo had his first sex dream about Nandor shortly after he failed that exam. He was running through the ruins from the textbook, when Nandor riding on the back of a black horse picked him up and carried him away. 

_ The dream smeared... Nandor tearing Guillermo's clothes off in his palace, forcing Guillermo's face into a silk pillow, spreading his thighs apart. Nandor's full weight against his back, his thick cock deep inside of him, the red hot pain-pleasure spreading from his own groin to envelop his entire body. The pillow muffled his obscene moans. The sweat and sheer amount of bare skin touching bare skin. The scratch of Nandor's chest hair on his back. The grip of Nandor's large hands on the back of his head and his shoulder. Nandor growling, "You're mine," into his ear with a tortuously slow and deep thrust. Guillermo's hands helplessly splayed across the bed, clenching the sheets while being completely dominated by Nandor. Nandor craning Guillermo's neck… feeling the twin pinpricks of his fangs... neither able to resist the other... just about to bite…  _

Guillermo woke up in a sweat and beat off furiously for the first time in that house, hoping that none of the vampires would be awake or have keen enough hearing at 2 PM to detect his illicit actions.  _ Could vampires read minds? _ That might be too dangerous to ask. 

\-----

Guillermo had rationalized the dream as a one-off thing. People have sex dreams sometimes. Even about their boss. It didn't necessarily mean anything. After all, Nandor was in his forties when he was turned and Guillermo couldn’t even legally drink. Not to mention the other age gap of over seven centuries. Or their vast cultural differences. Besides, he had spent most of high school crushing on a straight boy and wasn't going to repeat that again. Romance could be a part of his life once he became a vampire. 

Although, being a familiar made it hard to discern professional boundaries. When Guillermo was coming up on his 21st birthday he had the idea of asking Nandor when his birthday was.  _ Wouldn’t a good familiar do something nice? _ He just made the mistake of asking during a house meeting that Nandor had called to discuss not having more than two familiars per vampire at a time. 

"It gets confusing! Are you Gary or Jerry? Terry? Mary? Augh!" Nandor threw his hands up, clearly at his wit’s end.

Guillermo knew that Laszlo was recruiting familiars with names that ended in "ary" at this point to piss off Nandor for some unknown offense and had eight between him and Nadja. He had asked Guillermo to find him someone named Harry or Kerry to top off their collection. "If you can't find me a Harry or Kerry you may as well commit harikari". Laszlo obviously thought that was a pretty clever threat. At least the entire "ary" team made Guillermo's chores go much faster. 

“What do we do with all the extras, then?” Nadja asked.

“I’m keeping Barry for sure. Could hypnotize the rest,” Laszlo supplied.

“Eat them for all I care,” Nandor said with a shrug. Guillermo was horrified.  _ Were familiars really that disposable to them? _ Laszlo and Nadja had collected essentially a basketball team of familiars as a game and now decided they weren’t worth the trouble because Nandor was throwing a fit about being bad at names?

“Something the matter there, Gizmo? You look like you’ve seen a ghost taking a shit.”  _ Fuck. _ Laszlo caught him. The last thing Guillermo needed was for Laszlo or Nadja to think about eating other familiars. Like him.

“I uh, I realized that I forgot when your birthday is, Master! Could you please tell me when it is again?”

Nandor looked at him strangely and whispered, “I have never told you…” to which Guillermo desperately mouthed “please”.

Nandor was confused but said much louder, "Well, we didn't exactly use the American calendar in Al Quolanudar, but I know I was born in early spring." Guillermo jotted it down immediately in his notepad. Circled. Underlined.

Nadja commented under her breath, "Makes perfect sense, spring is the season of impulsive fornicating morons," to which Laszlo raised his eyebrows and tilted his head in unspoken assent. Then she raised her voice, turning to Guillermo. "I for one was born under a new moon at midnight in the month of January, 1514. For my celebration, I want at least three pure hearted virgins, not those nasty bitter ones you found at the comical store. And there should be albino peacocks in the yard. And I want a photo booth! With props! For funtime photos." 

She clapped her hands together excitedly. "Oh and I'll give you a list of contacts, you'll need to send correspondence at least six months in advance." Guillermo figured he could Google what day there had been a new moon in January in 1514 and had frantically scribbled down everything else. Thank God it was February.

Laszlo piped in with, "As for me, I was born on August 14th." Easy enough, Guillermo thought. Into the notebook.

Somehow Colin Robinson appeared in the doorway. "I'm not really a birthday person myself. Are you planning something for Nandor, Guillermo?"  _ Goddammit. Not you. _ Guillermo snapped the notebook shut.

"Well… yes. I mean, I don't know exactly...", he stammered, caught off guard by the question. 

"You don't have a lot of time what with it being nearly March now. And you know Nandor is turning the big 7-5-0. I'd expect something special," Colin Robinson said in his characteristic monotone.

Laszlo and Nadja looked at each other and shared an exasperated sigh. Nandor groaned and waved Colin Robinson away. "No need to make a big deal out of it. House meeting over, thank you, thank you, no more than two familiars, okay good bye now."

\-----

Although nobody knew the exact day of Nandor's birth, Nadja campaigned to celebrate it on April 1st. Guillermo had made multiple plans with backup plans. In characteristic Nandor fashion, he had ruined all of them. He was going to take Nandor to an exhibit of ancient Persian art and let him explain everything he saw to him no matter how inaccurate. Unfortunately, Nandor went out with Laszlo and Nadja instead. Guillermo couldn't refund the tickets. He was holding them in his hands in the foyer; Nandor had just batted off with Laszlo and Nadja into the night after calling Guillermo stupid for thinking he'd want to see the ruins of his own culture.

"Swing and a miss." Colin Robinson.  _ Great. Because this night was already on a rip-roaring start.  _

"Yeah," Guillermo sighed. 

"It would be a shame for those tickets to go to waste."

"Oh, that's, but…"  _ Absolutely not. _ "You can have them.” Guillermo left the tickets on the floor. “I think I'm just going to… go..." he said, sidling away from Colin Robinson towards the safety of his closet bedroom.

"Suit yourself." 

Guillermo also bought Nandor a slinky after he had been so delighted by one at the drugstore. In addition, he grabbed expensive scented hair oil from a boutique to hedge his bets. Initially, he planned to brush Nandor's hair for twice as long as usual and then have the slinky as a back up gift in case Nandor didn't go for extended pampering. Now he debated if he should do anything at all. 

He had also bought himself an enormous handle of vodka for his 21st birthday that he kept stashed in his closet room. Once he realized the vampires still expected him to pay rent he started stealing the cash out of their victims’ wallets.  _ I mean, what were they going to do with it? Let the dead give comfort to the living. _ Guillermo took his first swig and grimaced at the sharp burn of it. He threw himself into dusting Nandor's room again, paying special attention to all the nooks and crannies. Something he could do on auto-pilot. He just also happened to keep drinking as he cleaned. It certainly helped; the burn got easier to tolerate.

He opened the coffin to let it air out. Nandor complained to him that it would get stuffy in there. Guillermo took another gulp of vodka, placed the bottle on a dresser next to the slinky, and got in. The lid slammed shut, startling him, but once his pulse settled he lay there silently in absolute darkness. It smelled like Nandor. He imagined being a vampire, levitating out of the coffin to impress some virgin that was completely wrapped around his finger, pulling him inside to suck him dry with no hope for escape… 

The doorbell jarred him out of his reverie. And then he heard it ring again. And then again. He heaved the lid open, put the slinky inside the coffin, and scrambled out of Nandor’s room. The ringing was constant now so it must have been important. Guillermo opened the door to see that Nandor was carrying Laszlo and Nadja over each shoulder and hammering the doorbell with his foot. Nandor was also wearing a neon green birthday sombrero. It was immediately obvious that they were all utterly obliterated. 

"Ah Germooo thank you kindly," Nandor slurred, stumbling into the house and dropping Nadja and Laszlo on the floor, who didn't get up to move. 

"Did you have a good birthday, Master?" Guillermo schooled his voice to be as steady as possible. 

"Yes!” Nandor beamed and gave Guillermo two stilted thumbs up. “So fun. Germo. No, Laszlo, Laszlo…? Y-yeah, Laszlo hypnotized a bunch of spring breakers, and Germo, well, they were veryyy drunk already and now, now I am very very drunk," he pointed at his own chest with inebriated conviction. Then Nandor looked at Guillermo and cocked his head, the sombrero throwing a shadow across his features.

"Germo."  _ Uh oh. _ Could he tell he had been drinking too? In most jobs that's a no-no but he hadn't gone completely off the rails… and this really wasn’t like most jobs. 

"When's your birthday?"  _ Oh huh. _ Guillermo smiled. He felt warm.  _ Probably the alcohol, _ he insisted to himself.  _ Keep it together. _

He couldn’t help the happiness leaking into his voice. "It was a few weeks ago, actually. Thanks for asking, Master."  _ Don’t smile like an idiot.  _ He smiled like an idiot.

"Happy Birthday Germo," Nandor said, placing the nearly-fluorescent sombrero on Guillermo's head. Guillermo touched it softly. It was such a silly thing and he resolved not to read too much into it. Yet. It was something. 

"Let's get you to bed, Master." Guillermo held out his arm to Nandor, who clutched it like a life preserver with both hands and gingerly stepped over Nadja and Laszlo. Nadja was beginning to stir and helped Laszlo to his feet. She muttered to Laszlo, “Ugh… If he doesn’t pass out like a dumb log...” Guillermo didn’t catch Laszlo’s response but was relieved that Nadja could take care of him; he did not relish the thought of having to get physically near either of them for anything. Nadja had been asking Nandor constantly how he restrained himself from eating him, to the point of multiple times in a single house meeting. 

Guillermo got Nandor through his doorway when Nandor said, "Germo. Help me change into seduction clothes."

"But Master, it's sunrise. I don’t want you to burn--" he stopped talking when Nandor patted his head.  _ Well, the sombrero, but still. _

"Don’t worry, I won't be leaving the house." Guillermo felt his heart skip a beat and chastised himself. There was a less than 0% chance Nandor meant him. Unwelcome thoughts gurgled in his brain.  _ Nandor could just have me anyway, there wouldn't be any need for a whole outfit. A fuss. Wasn’t that part of being a familiar…?  _ Nandor had made Guillermo swear to serve him absolutely, in any way, at any time as part of his full-time familiar swearing-in ceremony. _ Am I too unappealing to even be considered...? Maybe I should just be relieved it hasn’t come to that. I haven’t even kissed anyone,  _ although he doubted that Nandor kissed.

Guillermo wrestled with his thoughts, which were like whack-a-moles that he could only tamp down briefly before they popped up again in some other irritating way. He tried to focus on simple tasks. He put the birthday sombrero on a dresser and grabbed a large coat with a fur-lined collar and tight leather pants from a chest. This was going to be a challenge. In a practical sense, drunk Nandor was like a ticklish octopus and it took a lot of strategic maneuvering to facilitate the outfit swap. It did not help that Guillermo's reflexes weren't the sharpest due to the vodka either. In a professional sense, Guillermo absolutely could not show his hand, that anything about Nandor’s body was appealing to him, that maybe a touch lasted a second longer than it strictly needed to, or a glance, or a held breath. Guillermo’s only saving grace was the heady combo of Nandor’s baseline level of obliviousness and his victim’s blood alcohol content. Without that, he knows Nandor would have realized why his hands were shaking violently when he tied his trousers closed. Once changed, Nandor raised his eyebrows suggestively at Guillermo, which may as well have been a hot knife through his heart, and slunk out of the room with a sly grin. Guillermo tried not to think about Nandor’s bare chest under that coat.  _ Dios mio _ , indeed.

\-----

Guillermo expected the doorbell to ring and someone to arrive. Instead, he was surprised when he heard Nandor stomp up the stairs. Guillermo crept into the foyer and heard the insistent rap of Nandor’s knuckles on Laszlo and Nadja's door.  _ Oh. Well, yeah. Who else would it have been? Colin Robinson?  _ Guillermo was overcome by a wave of disgust even entertaining it. He crept up the stairs as quietly as he could, his crouched body hugging the railing as he went. Hiding just beyond the edge of sight, Guillermo heard the creak of the door opening. The unmistakable voice of Laszlo said, "Nandor, no," as if he were disciplining a naughty dog.

"I haven't even said anything, Laszlo," Nandor sounded offended, but playfully so. "Maybe I am asking for a cup of sugar, hm?"

"Right, but I know you're going to ask for a threesome because you do this every fifty years or so and the answer, every time, is no." Neither of them were particularly trying to keep their voices down.

"Well one time it wasn't!"

"To Nadja's deepest regret. It took weeks to restore her hair to its usual ebony glory. And because of the opium, Nandor," Laszlo sighed. "Look, if you want to fuck something, why don't you fuck that?" 

Hidden from view, Guillermo couldn't actually see them and so didn't know what Laszlo meant, but Nandor's response clarified things in a completely horrifying light. "Ger-Guillermo? Are you being serious right now, Laszlo? Absolutely not." The disgust in Nandor's voice was palpable. Guillermo logically knew that would be the answer, but it didn't stop Nandor's words from piercing his heart like an icicle. For that stubborn undercurrent of self-loathing to snake its way around his throat.  _ Why would he ever fuck you? Have you seen yourself? Have you seen  _ **_him_ ** _? _

"Beggars can't be choosers and technically he doesn't have a choice, you fuckhead."

"I would never! That's wrong," Nandor almost shouted.

"Glad you've changed then. Good night, Nandor! Happy Birthday." Laszlo slammed the door. 

\-----

Guillermo felt nauseous. His head swam from a potent combination of vodka and the dizzying layers of Nandor's troubling sexual history that had just unfolded before him. Guillermo hesitated before slowly sneaking back down the stairs. He tripped over his own feet and collapsed at the bottom of the stairwell with a cascading series of thuds. An involuntary groaned, "...fuck..." escaped him. Nandor arrived faster than he expected, catching him at the bottom of the stairs only a few seconds after he fell. He hadn’t even had time to stand.

"Guillermo! What are you doing there? What did you hear?" he demanded.

"N-nothing, Master," Guillermo squeaked. He pretended to be scrubbing the floor, holding nothing in his hands. 

"Good. Familiars should not be hearing, only seeing. Come.”

_ That made no sense _ , but Guillermo followed Nandor back to his crypt anyway and opened the door for him. Nandor inclined his head to Guillermo and said, ”The seduction was very successful if you were wondering." 

"I wasn't--" 

"I had such good sex, amazing sex, like ahhh so great, and now I am tired. Take this off." Nandor held out his arm to Guillermo. He dutifully took the coat, helped Nandor out of the rest of his clothing, and put on more comfortable sleeping clothes for him. The earlier spark of dressing Nandor did not catch again, to Guillermo’s relief. Guillermo generally didn't allow himself to find such intimacy with Nandor erotic. It was simply part of his job, another tedious aspect of the familiar business. Being drunk had been a bad idea, made it hard to keep his guard up. If he just stayed focused on his work, he could keep a clear head and a normal amount of eye contact. Now, because of his vodka-fuelled traipse up the stairs to eavesdrop, well now he wouldn't be looking Nandor in the eyes for some time. He resolved to never drink on the job again. _At least now I know that Nandor won't rape me?_ _Hooray?_

He still held Nandor's hand as he departed into his coffin for the day. 

"Nighty night Guillermo. It smells nice in here, did you do something?" Nandor asked but didn't seem to expect an answer, as he crossed his arms over his chest and reclined backwards immediately. Guillermo was stretched over the coffin with his hand on the lid, about to close it when Nandor screamed, "Oh fuck! Ow! Ow what the fucking shit?!" Nandor flung himself back up like a slingshot and knocked Guillermo onto the floor, the step stool rolling out from under his feet. Guillermo was too drunk to react and took most of the impact in his back, followed by his head whacking against the floor soon after, which throbbed violently.

"Guillermo! What are you doing down there again? Get up here!" Nandor yelled. Guillermo crawled to the step stool and wheeled it back into place. 

"Help me, there is something, ow, it's in my hair, Guillermo," he said with real need in his voice that ordinarily made Guillermo feel important. Now it made him feel incredibly guilty. Guillermo had completely forgotten about the slinky. It was a mangled mess in Nandor's long, thick hair. 

"Okay Master, stop, stop moving..", Guillermo was struggling to get a grip on the slinky without slapping Nandor’s own frantic hands out of the way. 

"It hurts!" Nandor whined like a child getting a vaccine shot.

"I know, I'm trying to be gentle, okay?" Guillermo was tentatively pulling Nandor's hair out from between the smashed coils of the slinky. His vision was swimming and his hands were shaking, prolonging the task.

"Who would play such a cruel joke? On my birthday?" Nandor asked with a surprising amount of despair. It made Guillermo think of a child again, but one who saw a seagull eat their ice cream scoop. He wanted to pat Nandor’s head but also wanted to keep his hand. Guillermo considered lying, but didn't have a better explanation lined up and was too frazzled to come up with one. His head was pounding as hard as his heart. 

"It wasn't a joke, Master. It was supposed to be a birthday present. From… um, me." His voice was shaking. His mouth felt so dry. His throat was so tight he imagined that even if Nandor strangled him it wouldn’t make much of a difference. He extricated the slinky completely, smoothed Nandor’s hair absent-mindedly, and handed the maimed toy to Nandor.

"What kind of stupid present is this supposed to be, Guillermo?" Guillermo was surprised how much more the edge in Nandor’s voice hurt, in the state he was in.

"I don't know. I'm sorry, Master,” Guillermo could feel the stinging pricks of tears in his eyes. He swallowed and looked up to keep them at bay. “Um, I could brush your hair. However long you want. I got a new hair oil you might like--"

Nandor glared at him, cutting his attempts at placating him into shreds. "Who knows what you will do to my hair if I let you touch it," he spat. He dropped the ruined slinky on the ground with a huff and slammed the lid shut, narrowly missing Guillermo's fingers. 

Guillermo choked down a sob and then choked down the rest of the bottle of vodka. He continued to fight his tears as he blew out the candles. If Nandor could hear him, he didn't say anything. Guillermo slunk back to his closet bedroom and stared at the ceiling, holding the sombrero to his chest while tears streamed down his cheeks and his chest heaved silently. He crunched the sombrero in his hands and threw it into the garbage before laying back down. The sensation of falling overtook him, of falling and yet not moving. 

\-----

Guillermo overslept and was woken around noon by the doorbell ringing. The sound about split his head in half and he wanted to murder whoever was so stupid to ring the bell on a vampire house during the day. It was Larry, who had clearly seen some shit. "Guillermo, hey, sorry man, you weren't answering my texts. I… I had to bury Terry and locked myself out."  _ Aw, Terry was cool.  _

"Bad night?" Larry asked as he came inside. Guillermo just stared at him with a glazed expression and forgot to close the door behind him. He felt and probably looked half-dead.  _ I guess this is a hangover, _ he thought to himself. "Here. It helps a little." Larry handed him a small bottle of painkillers from his pocket.  _ Man, Larry is cool. _

Guillermo chugged them down with a big glass of cold water. The night's events filtered back to him as he was cleaning the downstairs bathroom. It was mostly for the familiars, but he also came in here to clean blood from Nandor's face and beard. He wondered how far back last night’s errors would set him. Taking off his glasses, he splashed his face with water and looked at his reflection. He didn't like how haggard he looked. His hair was curling past his ears and disheveled; he definitely needed to cut it again. Dark under eye circles and a 5 o'clock shadow made him appear a lot older than he actually was. He thought about the day, hopefully just a few more years in the future, when he wouldn't have a reflection at all. He steeled himself up and resolved to apologize to Nandor.

Nandor wasn't even half-way out of his coffin when Guillermo said, "Master, about last night…" Nandor looked petrified with dread at whatever Guillermo was about to say, his mouth snarled into a grimace. His hands curled into anxious claws at his chest. "Did I…?" he asked Guillermo, horrified. 

Guillermo's mind replayed Nandor pushing him to the floor. His hand rubbed the back of his still aching head. "No, you didn't hurt me Master." 

"Oh well that's… definitely good and definitely what I meant," Nandor breathed a sigh of relief and levitated to the floor in front of Guillermo, "You were saying?" 

Guillermo looked up at him, hoping to communicate his genuine contrition through his eyes. "I wanted to apologize. I feel like I ruined your birthday and I want to make it up to you." Guillermo gestured to the crushed slinky he had left on the dresser. Nandor's eyes followed and then flicked back to Guillermo.

"Ah… I know exactly how you can make it up to me," Nandor said huskily, a slight smile forming on his lips. Guillermo gulped; sometimes he wondered in moments like this if Nandor really, truly didn't realize his effect on him. Guillermo's eyes drifted down to Nandor's open sleep shirt, the thick chest hair he wanted to bury his face into so bad, and bit his lip to keep from saying anything stupid.  _ Why did he always stand so close? _ With herculean effort he forced himself to look Nandor in the eyes. His gorgeous eyes, that were like liquid fire.  _ Fuck.  _

"You will go to the drug market with me and buy me another metallic coil of my choosing," Nandor said, clapping his hands together, “All will be amended.” Guillermo could breathe again. 

Nandor spent close to an hour playing with slinkies at CVS with Guillermo but finally picked one out that was a color gradient, yellow at one end, blending into orange, and then fiery red at the other end. "Look Guillermo!" he called from the top of the stairs back at the house. "Look at it go!" he said as he set it down the staircase, delighted every single time it curled over itself to the step below.  _ Goddammit _ , Guillermo thought, not able to help the goopy smile spreading across his lips. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This damn show finally got me back into writing fan-fiction after years. First time I've ever posted something online. Hope you like it, there's more to come. 
> 
> I have no idea what I'm doing.


End file.
